Today is July 4th — haven’t posted since April 30th — been battling another round of depression. In early May, gradually feeling lower, waking often in bed, panicking after no sleep one night, I contacted the Bel Air Crisis Team, was advised to drive to Meadow Wood Behavioral Health Hospital in Delaware this time.
Kieran was understandably upset — only called him when I arrived there. For seventeen days I was prescribed a potent mix of five medications — Zoloft, Lithium, three others — assigned to the geriatric unit, mostly patients with dementia — sad and disturbing. Moved to a quieter unit the second week despite my advanced age. Too much free time, just a couple of group meetings a day, telling our moods on a scale of one to ten, our daily goals. Mine was to get out of there!
Struggled at home for a month after discharge, feeling no better, the Lithium apparently causing diarrhea, shakiness and loss of appetite. And was attending out-patient therapy at Harford Memorial three times a week. About ten patients sitting in a circle, in various stages of wellness, filling out work sheets, a social worker leading discussions and writing on a board. Each three hour session seemed endless.
Still sleeping poorly, and after another night of no sleep, called my son — had promised I’d never again admit myself to a hospital with talking to him — and we went to Sheppard Pratt, nearer his home. Sent to GBMC emergency room for tests, Kieran staying with me till admission at midnight. No beds at Sheppard Pratt, transferred to St. Joseph’s Hospital. Immediately taken off Zoloft and Lithium, and prescribed Paxil and other meds — discharged after two long weeks.
St. Joseph’s less traumatic than Meadow Wood — not hard to do — but several trying group sessions a day, including one with crafts or coloring picture books. Tried to work crosswords and read a novel, though difficult to concentrate. Kieran visited bringing puzzles and snacks — he’s been so caring and wonderful — it breaks my heart to trouble him and Bethany now — their baby girl due in about a week. Two weeks in St. Joe’s then home.
They visited me with my grandsons yesterday on their way to a friend’s Fourth celebration in Bel Air, and hung room darkening curtains in my bedroom — Kieran was concerned that the early light woke me up. I love them all so much. Don’t know what I’d do without them. So many I met in hospitals without family support.
Another comfort — Kieran and Bethany’s friends Aaron and Kathy, took Angel into their home while I was away this time — my pet recently diagnosed with Cushing’s Disease, on meds twice a day, tomorrow due for blood work to see how they’re working. I love her so much, too, and am worried about her as I was with Honey’s diabetes..
Kieran just called to invite me to a cookout today. Am foggy and shaky, but know it’s better not to be alone. Feel like a weakling. Here I am at 84 in good physical health, while friends my age are having health problems –Marilyn’s heart surgery tomorrow, Charlotte has a recurrence of cancer, Monty in the hospital again, Therese still with a blood clot in her leg and now a broken arm after a fall.
Have been praying and holding on tight to hope. Please remember me in your prayers. Thank you all for hanging in there with me till now.