Today is July 4th — haven’t posted since April 30th — been battling another round of depression. In early May, gradually feeling lower, waking often in bed, panicking after no sleep one night, I contacted the Bel Air Crisis Team, was advised to drive to Meadow Wood Behavioral Health Hospital in Delaware this time.

Kieran was understandably upset — only called him when I arrived there. For seventeen days I was prescribed a potent mix of five medications — Zoloft, Lithium, three others — assigned to the geriatric unit, mostly patients with dementia — sad and disturbing.  Moved to a quieter unit the second week despite my advanced age. Too much free time, just a couple of group meetings a day, telling our moods on a scale of one to ten, our daily goals. Mine was to get out of there!

Struggled at home for a month after discharge, feeling no better, the Lithium apparently causing diarrhea, shakiness and loss of appetite. And was attending out-patient therapy at Harford Memorial three times a week.  About ten patients sitting in a circle, in various stages of wellness, filling out work sheets, a social worker leading discussions and writing on a board. Each three hour session seemed endless.

Still sleeping poorly, and after another night of no sleep, called my son — had promised I’d never again  admit myself to a hospital with talking to him — and we went to Sheppard Pratt, nearer his home.  Sent to GBMC emergency room for tests, Kieran staying with me till admission at midnight.  No beds at Sheppard Pratt, transferred to St. Joseph’s Hospital.  Immediately taken off Zoloft and Lithium, and prescribed Paxil and other meds — discharged after two long weeks.

St. Joseph’s less traumatic than Meadow Wood  — not hard to do — but several trying group sessions a day, including one with crafts or coloring picture books. Tried  to work crosswords and read a novel, though difficult to concentrate. Kieran visited bringing puzzles and snacks — he’s been so caring and wonderful — it  breaks my heart to trouble him and Bethany now — their baby girl due in about a week. Two weeks in St. Joe’s then home.

They visited me with my grandsons yesterday on their way to a friend’s Fourth celebration in Bel Air, and hung room darkening curtains in my bedroom —  Kieran was concerned that the early light woke me up.  I love them all so much. Don’t know what I’d do without them.  So many I met in hospitals without family support.

Another comfort — Kieran and Bethany’s friends Aaron and Kathy, took Angel into their home while I was away this time — my pet recently diagnosed with Cushing’s Disease, on meds twice a day, tomorrow due for blood work to see how they’re working. I love her so much, too, and am worried about her as I was with Honey’s diabetes..

Kieran just called to invite me to a cookout today.  Am foggy and shaky, but know it’s better not to be alone.  Feel like a weakling.  Here I am at 84 in good physical health, while friends my age are having health problems –Marilyn’s heart surgery tomorrow, Charlotte has a recurrence of cancer, Monty in the hospital again, Therese still with a blood clot in her leg and now a broken arm after a fall.

Have been praying and holding on tight to hope. Please remember me in your prayers. Thank you all for hanging in there with me till now.





  1. said


    • Lovya back, dear Marilyn. Thank you for putting up with me and caring. Am praying your heart surgery goes well! :

  2. Christine said

    Aunt Eileen, welcome home. I’m glad to know you are out. Go easy on yourself and take good care. Love Christine xoxo

  3. Am feeling better this morning, thank God. Just left Angel at the Vet for blood work for the Cushings. Hoping for good news for her, too.
    Love, Aunt Eileen

  4. Amy said

    Oh my goodness Miss Eileen, I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been having a rough time! I don’t know if you remember, but my friend and I sat near you in January at the premiere of Downton Abbey! You were so wonderful and such a bright light!

    If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to let me know! My email is

    Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers!!


  5. Thank you, Amy. I was feeling well and happy the night we met. Just prayers are all I need now. Am feeling afraid of what’s next. And especially don’t want to trouble my son and his wonderful family, as I said in the post.

    • Amy said

      Well if you need ANYTHING, please ask. I lost my mother 11 years ago this month (very hard to believe), and I’d be happy to help! I’m sure your son and his family are glad to have you around. We do for our parents what they did for us….it’s the circle of life!

  6. Thanks again, Amy. Have had worrying confusion last couple of days — googled Paxil and see it’s a possible side effect. Left my pocketbook at bank earlier and walked away without change in grocery store!?! Just came back from doctor — have a urinary infection!?! Still miss my mom who died in 1984, so sympathize with you..

  7. Kathleen Runacres said

    Welcome back Eileen! Good to read your blog Again..missed it. love K Sent from my iPhone


  8. Thanks, dear Kathy. Feeling a bit better today.
    Love, Eileen

  9. Kristina Rus said

    Hi Eileen,
    I was so sorry to hear you haven’t felt well but I’m glad that you’re home and doing better. It’s great that you’re near Kieran, Bethany and the Grandchildren but I SO wish you were near enough to have lunch with me, Christina, and Herb! Please keep feeling better, take care of your wonderful Angel and keep us up to date on the birth of your new Granddaughter! I’ll try to call you soon. Love, Kris

  10. Dear Kris:
    Good to hear from you! Felt better this morning, but side effects, mostly mental confusion(!?!) kicked in later — also have urinary infection which can be caused by Paxil.
    Love, Eileen

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